Dear World,

My hands were raw from washing them. I caught myself wringing them like a germaphobic Lady Macbeth riddled with guilt.


I never expected to be here, but here I am. 

Recently I was asked to write down my greatest fears. One was the fear of giving the virus to someone else and one was being in the spotlight.

In just two days my whole world has been turned upside-down and two of my biggest fears are staring me down.

John has been a good friend since I was a teenager. He is the father of my first love and although I have not kept in touch with the boyfriend I have a beautiful friendship with John.

His wife died a few years ago. We were close but John and I now do many of the things that Linden and I once enjoyed. Long walks, watching arthouse films, sending each other letters and unusual gifts. John had heart surgery after Linden died. We joke that he almost died from a broken heart but sadly I believe it is true.

When Corona virus hit I was living and working in Kathmandu Nepal. But I had to be evacuated back to the UK.  Quite suddenly I found myself jobless and homeless.

John called and asked if I wanted to come and live with him. I was reluctant at first as he is in the high risk category. But he told me he had never felt so alone and if we were both careful it could work. I quarantined myself for 14 days in a caravan before moving into Johns house just to be sure. A week after I moved in, John started showing Covid 19 symptoms.

I immediately arranged for us to both be tested.

After the test John sept for hours and I tried to alleviate my anxiety of waiting for the results by cleaning the house. My hands were raw from washing them. I caught myself wringing them like a germaphobic Lady Macbeth riddled with guilt. It could have been one of the many other people John has encountered in the past 14 days but there is a chance it could have been me.

I hate how this virus has turned us all into potential weapons of mass destruction.


Weapon of Mass Destruction

Support this photographer: Alice Carfrae ︎  @aliceisalwaysinwonderland


At the time of writing we are both still waiting for COVID 19 test results. John is unwell but not getting any worse which I am thankful for.

In my initial application for dear world I wanted to photograph a friend of mine whom is self isolating in a nearby town. But until I know the test results I cannot leave the house so I had to take a self portrait.

I have taken a proper one before and found the whole process terrifying but I’m pleased I have faced this fear and it has kept me focused while I wait for the results.


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